tobermory

TOBERMORY

“Lady Blemley invites you to her Saturday soiree. You are promised an evening of fun, froth and general entertainment …………..” so began the invitation for the party at lady Blemley’s house. It was etched in gold leaf, embossed on fawn-coloured cartridge paper and accompanied by florid bordering. It was an interesting and unaesthetic piece which landed in the letter boxes of the residents of Dorchester street with unfailing precision every second week. The recipients in the spirit of the entire exercise, landed unflinchingly at lady Blemley’s mansion inspite of the presence of Mr. Appin, who since last year had become a permanent fixture in her parties as well her house.

Mr.Appin embedded himself in the house and social life of Lady Belmley by promising to enchant the regular visitors to her parties with magical sleight of hand that he ostensibly had acquired from his extensive travels in India. Since then the potent potion that was Red Bordeaux- which was copiously served at lady Blemley’s parties and was easily accessible otherwise-had rendered his skills ineffective. Now he had become many fixtures that adorn Mr. Blemley’s house. He was displayed in the cluttered parlour during parties in which he entertained the guests with anecdotes upon anecdotes of incidents that never happened in places that he never visited. Between them he was bundled up in to the least furnished bedroom of the house.

The latest party was like every other that preceded it. The constant pleasant din mainly consisted of either idle palaver over fish fingers or the swooning of the ladies over the latest acquisitions of lady Blemley’s: a red ruby necklace, Burmese teak furniture, a tiger skin rug which was the result of her malaria affected India trip in which Mr. Appin was also found. Presently it was the diamond ring which has come from South Africa that was holding the swirl of women around lady Blemley. This predictable state of affairs was changed when Mr.Appin suddenly announced: “I have made Tobermory talk. Through the blessings of goddess kali and chanting of hymns which were uttered at the right alignment of stars and moon which I was waiting for the past one year. Now Tobermoy can speak.”

The crowd thinned around the hostess and began congregating around the cat. Tobemory’s presence before was almost unnoticed and she was indifferent to it. Her fey deportment made her privy to most juicy house secrets and she began to recount them in her now shrill voice and impeccable English: Lady Blemley and Jeeves, her man-friday, clandestinely sneaks in to Lady Blemley’s bed-room where they attack each other before the door has struck the latch and with great alacrity disrobe each other and indulge in carnal pleasures.”

This sudden and shocking revelation created a commotion amongst the guests and left lady Blemley to feebly denounce the whole incident as the fecund imagination of a pampered feline .Jeeves, who was hitherto serving male guests with red-bordeaux and lady guests with his disarming smile, froze in the middle. The ladies at the party were green with envy but wore an expression of smug self-righteousness on their face.
The scandal seethed for a week. It cooled down the next week, and was completely forgotten by the end of the month. The only casualties of the entire affair were Mr.Appin, who was discarded by lady Bemley and who had to rely on his magic abilities to eke out a living; Tobermoy, which was donated to a traveling circus of which she became a star attraction and the party which took a hiatus of a month and resumed with the same invitation (dates changed) in the letter boxes of Dorchester’s residents.